The Nonsensical Journal

Disclaimer: This story takes place in Dubai, any similarity to Kuwait is completely coincidental, and all alcoholic consumption was therefore not breaking the law…

So I turned thirty three… there used to be a time when I would celebrate my birthday by consuming shots that total to the number of years I have successfully survived… At this age it will accomplish nothing but a case of alcoholic poisoning.

It’s not that I feel old, or think I’m old, being thirty is still young and at the end it’s all about how you feel. It’s not, however, easy… being in your thirties is like running a 30k marathon, half way through you look back and think “Damn… I’ve come a long way; well it’s too late to turn back now”

You can’t turn back, and even if you could it would be a waste of time. The amount of time it would take you to reach the start would have gotten you to the finish line… or the grave for the less imaginative…

I generally have no interest in celebrating birthdays, I still use it as an excuse to get trashed, but I don’t enjoy the cake and blowing out candles, and for that I thank my friends for respecting my wishes. (Either that or they’re a bunch of cheap bastards… hey you guys wanted a mention in my post right?)

I don’t enjoy the happiness and merriment that comes with birthdays; I fail to see what you are all so ecstatic about. When all of you are busy celebrating the day of your birth, I can only see a year closer to the end… I’m not saying I think the glass is half empty…

I hate that cliché psychological evaluation, how is asking me whether the glass is half empty or half full an indication of my general outlook in life? First of all the glass is half empty, and the question is why were you too lazy to fill it up? Why are you serving me half a glass in the first place? Why is my demeanor dictated by your half ass job to fill a glass properly? That should be the real question…

If anything, half a glass of water is nothing more but an indication to how useless you are for being too incompetent to complete a simple task… Therefore the answer to is this glass half full or half empty is “you’re an idiot, fetch me a full glass of water”

 My friends asked for a mention in my post without mentioning their names, because apparently they think they are so famous that people will instantly recognize them. I celebrated this birthday by enjoying a chilled night in, sipping drinks and indulging in the usual conversations that makes homeless alcoholic degenerates seem like a group of intellectuals.

The conversations in our group ranges from fecal matter to personal details of masturbation, butt massages, and how to efficiently cleanse oneself after using the toilet; this the usual range of topics we tackle, making sure that everything we say contributes to everything that is wrong with society today.

Sometimes there is just too much TMI in our conversations…  Did you know your anus is the tensest area in your body?

For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t have it any other way and I probably wouldn’t want to spend my birthday getting trashed with anyone else…

Well there you go, I hope you are happy with this honorable mention… a bunch of half breed British and American individuals, mix in an Italian or two, a Kuwaiti or five, a Russian claiming she’s Yugoslavian as if there is a difference, and that’s it really…

This is us, an eclectic combination of friends, and the only true thing that bonds us together could very well be our inability to fit into society.  

Thanks for the little quiet get together of great company, alcohol, and the usual gutter inspired conversations… I’m still not getting a butt massage, and yes you have abnormally large nipples dude…