The Nonsensical Journal

I hate my job, why can't I just win the lotto...

We were created in Gods image… which might very well mean that God wakes up feeling very grumpy as he gets his coffee and heads for a shower and a shave… or it could mean that we have omnipotent powers that have yet to manifest itself… hold on… nope… still can’t turn water into wine, I suppose I shouldn’t try walking on it either…

It took seven days to create the Earth, seven days to create humans… Can you even begin to imagine the result if it was rushed in one day? Kane and Able would be choking each other in the womb…

Now a picture, they say, is worth a thousand words… I have yet to find a picture in any photo album that is big enough to fit a thousand words on it… unless you use really small font, like the one they use to write on rice…

Why are they writing on rice? I don’t understand why people get those done, you can’t even see your name if you squint real hard and use a magnifying glass… for all I know I could’ve paid for a regular grain of plain old rice with nothing on it…

Some pictures however are barely worth two words let alone a thousand. Pictures of babies for example, “Oh look it’s a cute baby”… that’s six words, and if you can come up with 994 other words to describe it then you’re either a pedophile or in desperate need of a life.

I don’t understand the fascination with babies, I mean yes they’re cute… for about two seconds and that’s about it… all they do is just lie there gurgling, burping, occasionally throwing up, and then fall asleep (the incessant crying is the parents problem, so we don’t care… unless they’re on a plane then we want to choke the parents, because it’s too cruel to imagine punting a baby out the plane door)

To me standing and watching a baby for more than three seconds is just a waste of time, it’s like standing and admiring a toaster, or an inanimate object… I mean they don’t even perform a small song and dance number…

In all seriousness though… why are you still reading this?