The Nonsensical Journal

On a side note, since sound cannot travel in space there is a huge possibility that the big bang was in fact a tiny silent pop… point is, it concludes with him and her… of several different species…

He comes with a basic set of feelings. Happy, sad, angry, calm, hungry, full, like, dislike, horny and “I don’t know” (which, by the way, happens to be a very valid answer to “how are you feeling?”)

She comes with an entire spectrum of feelings that are diverse and often intermingle with various emotions, environments, and circumstances… some of these feelings and emotions cross the spectrum into an infrared and ultraviolet level and can only be viewed with special goggles.

He liked her, so he went out got an education, a job, and then a second job, a house, a fancy car, saved some monetary item of value, and pretended to be important by acquiring a business card… And maybe she will like him back.

She liked him, so she got cleavage… and maybe she will let him touch.

He realized he is stronger, he can lift heavy objects and change light bulbs… he declared himself the superior sex.

She realized she can get him to do all of the above just by withholding sex… she declared herself the smarter sex.

He always knows the way and never needs to ask for directions thanks to that supernaturally embedded GPS genome that must be there… it just must…

He will never ask her for directions no matter how deep in the woods he is and how many rednecks from deliverance are chasing him.

She doesn’t know how to drive, or rather she knows but believes the entire laws of traffic need to be redefined according to her standards, and insists the rearview mirror is ipso facto the makeup view mirror…

She will never ask him to Parallel Park the car for her, no matter how many blocks away she is from the curb she is attempting to hug… and anyway, in Amazonian times it was perfectly fine to leave half the car blocking the road…

 He likes a home cooked meal to come home to after work

She likes a home cooked meal to come home to after work

He cooks the meal or orders out (check the withholding sex clause)

They fall in love, since the universe decided it’s much simpler and neater if opposites attract.

They have sex in every single room, in every single space, in every possible exhibitionist location.

They travel the world, and attempt to have sex around and about the various sites.

They have fun, laugh and share the sweetest memories together; Life is long, life is beautiful, life is tailored for them both (or so they have come to believe from excessive viewings of romantic comedies… mostly watched because of her, or sometimes a guilty sin of him)

They have children.

He becomes a father

She becomes a mother

He has a midlife crisis leading to a mistress, a flashy sports car, and horribly dyed hair and/or a ridiculous wig… he wonders how his life slipped and rotted away with that woman… well part of it, the traveling sex was fun…

She informs the children how horrible their father is and how she had put up with his shit all these years as a sacrifice for them… well, part of her life, the traveling bit was fun…

He comes to his senses.

Now at this point they either get a divorce or reconcile, either way it doesn’t matter because they’re too close to the grave. Depending on the psyche of the children they will either be taken care of, or find themselves in a sad desolate grey Grimm Reaper-ish place labeled as a retirement home… Where “retirement” has more than one meaning here…

As for the children? Well you can start reading all that again and pretend it’s each one of them… I think they had two.