The Nonsensical Journal

It's a nice change to look down on others... Even if it is just a cheap ass soap box...

Venture out by day in the current cold that the country is experiencing right under bright sunny skies… those sunny days where people romance the cliché of the nuclear orb ready to wipe us out of existence in a random flare, by sheer power of denial, they say it caresses our cheeks… I say “they” because all I know is the sun is hot… like really fucking hot and I wouldn’t want it caressing my cheek in any idiotic metaphorical sense.

It’s a nice warm sensation at best… get over yourselves… throwing up is also a warm sensation, I don’t hear anyone describing it as vomit caressing the inside of their throats.

Furthermore, the word caressing irritates me… “Furthermore” also irritates me…

So I drive to a Starbucks on a nice sunny morning… morning being noon because I am not a freak of nature who wakes up any time before 11 AM on a weekend, and that is the minimum required standard, this morning happens to be a rare occasion… normally my mornings on a weekend start at 3pm…

If you feel slightly offended by me stating that you’re a freak for waking up before 11 AM on a weekend, I would like to apologize, but I can’t because seriously, something’s wrong with you… like you need therapy or some shit dude… it’s the weekend…

I mean when I heard sleep is the cousin of death, I suddenly didn’t mind death at all… that sounds as comfortable as, well… sleep… although I kind of hate my cousins, so I’m not sure… but in our culture we can sleep with our cousins, so maybe death will be an awkward comfortableness at best?

Anyway, I digress…

I head over to a Starbucks because that’s what normal people do on mornings after what I assume is a gym, or some dog related running activity with a smile, which I just cannot do… smiles are annoying… and I won’t pick up dog shit… so I just skipped all that mucking about and went straight to the Starbucks to get my commercial whore coffee stamp in order for society to accept me today.

You know what pisses me off? Those fuckers who leave flyers on my car, and I can step out for a second with the car running and they will magically appear to place a flyer on my windshield wiper, I think they employ invisible people or some sort of weird marketing voodoo… but it pisses me off because now I have a problem… do I litter? Or do I litter the inside of my car?

Why? Why do you do this to me you assholes? I hope you know that every-time I litter its on you, because I can’t be bothered to clean my car… it’s already filled to the brim with empty water bottles, and cigarette packs from years so far back I fail to recollect… and I think the dead hooker from that high school prom incident might still… never-mind…

I digress again… you may have noticed that I am somewhat fond of the word “digress”…

So there I was in a Starbucks being a member of the conforming flock of sheep, and while I’m an Aries I see a slight zodiacal irony that makes no sense to any semi intelligent mammal… All I know is that I’m the kind of sheep that will hit back and frolic among mountain tops… I know it’s a mountain goat, but consider this a poetic license for this narrative which is leading us to neither land or sea… but hey I never forced you to read…

Oh before I forget, should you ever catch any creature of any sorts engaged in the activity of frolicking… shoot it on sight and do us all a favor, if you are a person who happens to frolic, either stop or I will be coming for you… Even by gay standards, frolicking is too gay.

I order my triple tall irish no foam latte, because whats the point of paying a couple of bucks for coffee if you’re not going to be an asshole about it? I give them my “Meh, you almost got it right” look in response to their forced corporate smile… to be fair, I have no idea what a “right” triple tall irish no foam latte tastes like, but then again they also have no idea why they have to smile to pricks like us…

Yes, I said “us” because if you are sitting there thinking “Hey, I’m not a prick you fuckin’ prick”, that thought just promoted you to being a full blown dick (Pun not intended or intended depending on whether you find that funny)…

I don’t care how thoughtful, nice, gentle, sweet, or whatever other diabetic inducing description of a human being you are, each one of us has done a dick move at one point or another, not necessarily because we are bad people, but just out of the necessity of being a human.

It’s colder than a penguins ass but I do not complain because as a smoker I have grown accustomed to being discriminated against with blatant hypocrisy… I don’t complain, I actually like winter, and I understand that smoking inside is harmful to other non-smokers.

I understand this because the Ministry of Health took it upon their caring themselves to protect us from the cancerous product legalized to us by their employer… hypocritical discrimination tastes sweeter with every exhale of cancerous laced smoke.

So while I stand outside in the crisp cold weather reveling in the sensation of glass cutting nipples, and for a person with chronic sinus problems I have to admit having a runny nose was a pleasant, albeit disgusting, but damn comfortable change… Lo and behold I see the “happy couple”, arms intertwined like some sort of deformed conjoined twins at birth with smiles of love, head resting on his shoulder… I almost felt the vomit gently caress the inside of my throat…

Why am I a cynic? All I saw was them ten years down the road, if they should even make it that far… I’m not a betting man, but if I was, I’m betting ten years later each one is getting a coffee with their affair, or their new partner, or as a single parent with kids tugging behind…

This Disney ending just doesn’t cut it for me, and what for? So you can go around chasing a percentage that barely exists, while being in denial about just saying fuck it I’ll settle for whatever?

Perhaps I lost you there, mostly because I lost myself to be honest… Let me elaborate in another weird way… Lets say we go hunting, most of us will track the animal, chase it, stalk it, go through unbelievable effort to find that one perfect catch, and how many of them come back with that catch? Not that much, I know this because I have yet to see an impressive catch on anything other than a Polaroid, and those shits are old… and rare…

So what have I learned after a series of unsuccessful relationships, after buying into the Hollywood dream… You know, buying into this retarded concept of “Love”… I abandoned the hunt, Im not tracking, or chasing shit…

I’m going to take my self to the watering hole, and chill, we all need a drink, and I’m the kind of hunter who will settle for the first animal to come around for that drink… Maybe I’ll get lucky, and get the catch that you were chasing… Maybe I won’t but neither will you, and while you leave dreaming of that perfect deer, I will leave somewhat satisfied with a cute beaver…

Heh… see what I did there?… if you didn’t, you’re too young so go ask your parent about the beaver…

What am I saying? Parents? Sorry kids, go ask Google… Lets face it, the internet is raising your children now… Yeah, your ignorant little brats are starting revolutions on the internet, and the funny thing is they didn’t even bother to Google “What Are Politics?” but they managed to spell revolution correctly, so its not all bad…

And who better to understand about the plight of the starving, suffering man than the pampered internet spoiled little shit you raised?

By this point I had finished my coffee and almost all my pack, and I figured I should go see some friends or something… Normal people do that, and I think I need to be one of those normal people, which I’m not really doing a good job at, I’m quite unknown, but if I was known, I would be known for my anti social abilities… Today though… today was a sunny day as I had mentioned, and it was one of those days where you had to be social…

I go see my friends and it felt good to be surrounded with friends, full of conversation… with their Blackberrys, iPhones, television, and music… it felt great, this is what being social is like in the twenty first century, its about being perfectly alone together.

The mind boggles sometimes at who we are all messaging when we are all together… so I googled that question, turns out we are googling the question of who are we messaging…

This is where we live now within a virtual world intricately interwoven with reality, everything has been redefined from simple innocent times, to simply complex confusion…

I have a friend who was in a digital era relationship, a “digital era relationship” is what introduced us to the denial of geography and borders,  and with the difficulties and dead end scenario of online relationships she left for another digital era relationship, albeit they would be in the same country, but the irony of it cannot be lost…

I remember when virtual reality meant slipping on a helmet to see cheap graphics, it seems virtual reality has come to mean the world we live in today.

Perhaps times were innocent when we were younger because we weren’t exposed to much, or perhaps they were simpler times, or maybe it’s nostalgia… Perhaps it’s just part of being an adult and growing up… Today nothing can be defined anymore, nothing is simple, from relationships, morality, sexuality, to religion and politics…

Well I wrote a lot and it’s all because of this damn Macbook Air, see I’m really nothing more than a conforming sheep with a voice, but I conform none the less… I’m no better or worse than any of you…

Okay Im better than a few of you, and worse than a few of you, but at least I know it, and I also know I’m not doing much to improve on myself  mostly because I’m a lazy bastard and if there is an omnipotent entity that decides that I am hell bound well… Dude… it was 55 degrees last summer, bring it on…

Now I’m going to check out some new apps to purchase for my iPhone 4S and then later Im going to pretend to care about some genocide somewhere by donating a tweet…

Oh… I have a pet, and I love animals, but if you have ever checked your pet into a  pet hotel… You’re an asshole, if you don’t have  friends or family to take care of your pet while you’re gone then you’re life is either too tragic to add to it the responsibility of a pet, or too rich that you have servants to do that shit for you… Pet Hotels are for assholes, period.

Man I love my Macbook Air…