The Nonsensical Journal

Relationships are the devils workshop… I mean it’s what they create in the devils workshop, although I think it’s more of a sweatshop, being that it’s the devil and all I’m sure he/she (just so you don’t say I’m sexist) would prefer child labor… point is they manufacture relationships…  and pitchforks obviously.

Naturally the word “relationship” automatically means sex to all of us… Okay perhaps a few of us… okay maybe just me… The relationships they manufacture in said sweatshop include family, friends, pets, random prostit… point is they manufacture all kinds of relationships…

It’s all too confusing and complicated and filled with uncanny sentiments and feelings. A need to share and be shared with, and they’re all the same. They all want to talk. Your parents want to talk. Your friends won’t shut up sometimes, and your partner always needs to talk (at least one of them does, unless they’re both mutes then they just sit and gesture a lot… which is probably the same thing, it’s still talking but you have to pay more attention I suppose… It’s not like you can zone out on the TV and pretend to listen)

The parent child relationship is clearly a paradox. It’s the easiest and most daunting one. It’s easy because you know each other too well, and hence lies the problem because it makes lying to them all the more difficult… so I decided it was futile to lie to my parents, since we are all stuck together I figured hey, these are my bad habits… deal with it, too bad you can’t dump me, and too bad you didn’t go for the abortion.

Friend relationships are tricky, but in an “entertaining-exciting-something-useless-but-gives-your-day-some-flavor” kind of tricky. The larger the group gets the more interesting things get, and you start to understand the appeal of reality TV (Just a little though). They’re nothing more than regular friends with exaggerated dramas… well some are at least, who hasn’t flashed a bar once or twice, or ended up in a donkey show in Mexico… am I sharing too much?

Friends are fun I guess is what I am trying to get at, in every aspect. The negative before the positive, because let’s face it, if you can’t tolerate your friend being a dick from time to time, then that’s just someone you hate.

As previously mentioned though as the group gets larger, the more clash of personalities occur, and you sporadically end up with someone saying something about someone doing something (or body) and then small conflicts erupt… but the cosmos is fair, in return it gave us gossip…  And who here doesn’t love gossip, you all do you self righteous bastards.

If you have a relationship with your pet, then well… you should get out more often.

If you have a relationship with your prostitute, then well… you should get tested more often, and stay the hell away from me I’m a germaphobe as it is… I’m not judging I just don’t want to catch herpes from a toilet seat…

The king, or queen (again not to be sexist) of all relationship genres, is the couple in love relationship. Those are the messy, screw with your head; blow your brain out, blissfully miserable, kind of relationships.

First you have the initial attraction, and of course in most cases, it’s the initial mistake of an attraction… I mean how many of us haven’t gone through several rotten apples just to find that right sour lemon?

Then you go through that “let’s have fun” phase, and it’s all fun and games… now somewhere in the middle, emotions start to fuck with you. Suddenly there is the need for commitment, and commitment is all good… but it’s also, well, commitment…

Unlike your parents, however, your partner gets to learn about you with time. So plan ahead, think about it, and decide what face you want him /her (notice the no sexist attitude at all?) to associate with deception… loving deception of course…

They’re all too complicated, family, friends, lovers, pets, inflatable Jenna Jameson dolls… it’s just too much work, and maintenance (especially the blow up dolls), see if they were forged within a workshop in heaven then they would be nothing more than instant matchups with no problems, no more going through life separating the real from the plastic.

I think though one of the major reasons they’re not made in heaven is because there are no workshops in heaven, and if there was, who the hell wants to work in heaven?