The Nonsensical Journal

Before deciding that lying is bad, take a moment and revise that thought. Entire civilizations were built on lies, and many a generations rose on myth, legend, religion and lore… which are fancy words for very imaginative lies… Yes, ALL the animals in the world walked over to Noah, and sure, Arthur did extract Excalibur from the stone…

Yet with a world draped in lies, people still manage to pull off the “holier than thou” attitude when they discover they were lied to. I think it’s just jealousy for not being able to think of a lie that good; I think people who frown upon lying are just bad liars, the kind that stutter when put on the spot.

That is my weakness unfortunately, while I am able to concoct some Grade A lies, I am unable to use them on the spot. I need an action plan before executing the lie; put me on the spot and what you will get is a well-constructed lie riddled with stutters and the sudden development of a very peculiar speech impediment… Thank God poker isn’t a talking game.

Lying ranks up there with mankind’s greatest ability… lying and scapegoating. That is the key to success in the business world. Forget all the professional shit and ethical approaches, it’s just easier to make someone else look bad and take their credit. Whenever I am tasked a project that I do not particularly wish to work on, the person I need to liaison with is suspiciously never on his or her desk when I go to meet with them… tsk tsk tsk.

Lying also makes you more interesting to people, just don’t overdo it and insult their intelligence… unless they’re overly stupid, in which case it’s fun to see how far you can push it.

What I did for vacation? I was covertly involved in a rebellion movement blogging their resistance slogans and following their every move. While incarcerated I was able to break myself free and return to my desk at work immediately the next day… that shit is retarded, no one will believe you.

What did I do for vacation? Well, there was a crazy rave that went on for two days straight, while I was rollin’ I met this rather cute raver chick with some really good pot, she also had a couple of tabs of LSD but I’m not into that. It was getting rather intense, and the cops ended up shutting it down, but we were fortunate enough as we had left earlier that night, we ended up just chilling at a friend’s house.

The key element to validity is simplicity. A rave is a rather difficult but somewhat plausible event in Kuwait; you just need to sell it. A cute chick, not hot, not amazing, just cute… this makes it all the more believable… pepper it up but not with jalapeño that’s all.

What did I do for vacation?… absolutely nothing, I think I managed to turn into a vegetable to the point where the television, momentarily, had a higher IQ than myself… considering it was mostly the discovery channel, I’d say the television generally seemed rather smart showing off by constantly spewing general facts and trivia.

Back to work, and by that I mean sit around and have coffee and cigarettes, occssionally pretending to type something when my boss comes around…