The Nonsensical Journal

It can only go so far before it gets lonely on the top… or so they say…

Life meet drain… drain meet life… now shake hands and flush… this is essentially the summary of my current and past state of events. I had no idea over ten years ago that my entire purpose and dedication towards life would go towards flushing it callously down the toilet… or drain… do drains flush?

A career was not something that attracted me, I do not possess the cut throat capabilities that are required for one to build a career of elite standards… don’t get me wrong, not everyone who has been a success is a cutthroat sociopath, there must be at least 1 in the thousands that isn’t…

That individual’s journey, though, must have been one tough journey… tough enough to convince me otherwise in terms of pursuing a career of success and glamour… Even my dreams are modest, all I aspire to be is a writer shacked up away in some cabin located in some remote corner of the world away from all the idio… people…

I knew a person who was so much into her career that she simply overlooked everything else… it was the core of her existence, and in her mind the only goal that mattered. The yearn for success, glamour and fame were shining through materialistic infused eyes… which can easily be confused with love as her boyfriend soon found out, or rather, ex-boyfriend now…

And in her mind she was an easy going person like a casual breeze, which was nothing more than her own denial system that masks the fact that she would do anyone… err, thing… to attain those goals, by any means necessary…

This is what is needed “Any means necessary”… this is the key to achieving those grandiose dreams, and the price you pay for it is a loss of compassion in the process… I do not wish to lose my humanity, and call me a fool but isn’t finding the right person the perfect goal in a life lived once?

Perhaps it is, but to me life is more than just a career… it’s a paycheck to see life, and perchance enjoy it…

I understand though what a career might mean to some and how aggressively they chase it in efforts that transform them, whether they choose to or not, into sociopaths unable to distinguish what’s right from wrong, because all they can see is a clear path to one very defined goal, with lights, cameras, and paparazzi galore…of course the riches, sex, drinking and overall debauchery comes with the territory…

I don’t understand, though, their lack of foresight as one day we lie on deathbeds, what is better; to be surrounded by those who you genuinely love and loved you back? Or those who pretended to, amongst those who loathed you for what you have come to be?

I suppose if I only had the latter option, I would rather die alone… again that’s just me, a somewhat modest dreamer with modest goals… and perchance enjoy my life…

“Don’t gain the world and lose your soul. Wisdom is better than silver and gold”  Bob Marley

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