The Nonsensical Journal

I think I can see my street from here

“Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards and leads us to from this world to another”∼∼ Plato

And what a world it is…

The “World” as a description seems unfit to describe this infinite silence looming over my head, within reach for eyesight to touch, flirting with my mind a mystery to fuel the dullest of imaginations…

… And good Sativa?

Infinity… I might consider fear as an emotion when I envision the possibility of a never ending scenario, but… its not really fear… it’s… that closed closet door, never opened because every now and then you hear a bump and decide to just place it neatly within the confines of, our greatest gift, denial.

And for all we know, for all we see whether with naked eyes or dressed fancily through massive telescopes, for all we know, we know nothing but theories and “what ifs”…

What little fact is irrelevant to me, it provides me with no answer to what possibilities infinity might hold, and why am I on a planet that floats around in meticulously confused design… what is this organized confusion? And, perhaps here is where the puzzling emotions come to play, what lies beyond this organized confusion?

So… here I am, unable to sleep, or I could just say a stint of insomnia, but I have come to despise… no, despise is too harsh of a word, I suppose I have come to dislike the word “insomnia” as a summary for my inadequate performance in bed… and by that I mean, sleep…

Its an overused word for what is perhaps a random night or two of restlessness when the entire year you slept like a baby on heroin… disturbing image perhaps, but it just came out, don’t blame me, blame the subliminal self… which if you were paying attention to what was being said earlier, is most likely a direct result of this infinity “situation” we are living in…

Actually, you know what? If that comment was disturbing, or caused some sort of anger or some odd “American Reaction” then you my friend have lived a very disturbingly sheltered life and should never leave home unsupervised… There are so many things wrong with this world that make crack babies seem like sunlit meadows…

Oh… An “American Reaction” is what I refer to exaggerated outcomes that are very common and unique to The Americas… For example; my father never attended my baseball games and beat me so I grew up to be a serial killer, this is an American Reaction…

I used to pray that my parents do not attend any events, as any other normal friend of mine growing up, and my father beat the snot out of me sometimes for sport… So, I write… and abuse substances… this… is a normal reaction…

Back to the infinity situation we live in, I digress a lot, I apologize, and I’m usually under the influence of… caffeine?

Well… its not “us” that are infinite, I mean perhaps as a species we might be, up until a random meteor with a particular palate for egocentric inhabited planets comes hurtling through, but otherwise as a species we could live forever… just not individually, we are all going to die… one by one… most likely alone… (I’m a “Fuck the glass” kind of guy)

But its okay, because it doesn’t matter… infinity remember?

Before I forget, I think the majority of us just use the word insomnia for this random night or two, which is quite inconsiderate to people who suffer from real insomnia and have to listen to you bitch about something they have been living with…

I… am not an insomniac, I don’t know how they do it, I don’t have the strength, if I went a week without sleep I would just slit my throat and wrist for extra assurance… if an insomniac out there is reading this, please if you do actually do it… delete your browser history, I don’t want my blog to be regarded as an encouragement to your idiocy…

Plus it’s kind of a dick move; do you want to be remembered as a dick by random bloggers?

I suppose that was insensitive, its not idiotic to end it all, its actually quite brave to decide to hop off the train before the journey is over… lets face it, the journey sucks ass, and jumping off is not the problem, it’s the tumbling around once you hit the ground… its not as safe as Hollywood portrays it.

Trust me… I fell off an ATV and broke a collar bone… that shit hurts… On a side note, the pain killers made it totally worth it… I’d do it again…

It is idiotic, however, to end the journey because you cannot sleep… I mean surely you’ve heard of drugs, we all have, and if a couple of Ambiens (and/or a general assortment of dependencies) don’t knock you out… then fine, go for it, at least you tried…

So… this post took an interesting turn, I don’t know why I’m talking about this… I personally do not possess the courage to jump off, but I indulge in activities that can lead to a tragic accident, hence it’s technically not my fault… such as a bungee chord snapping… shit happens…

I think “Shit Happens” is the only constant in infinity; it’s the only thing that makes any sense. Phrased by many, in writings, quotes, and even songs, nothing is permanent but change itself… and that makes sense, because when your home is a boundless none ending realm of no walls… well… anything can happen… And finding the bathroom can be a bitch…

And when we die perhaps we finally get to open that closet door that goes bump in the night, and perhaps we will transit into essence and drift into no confusion to observe what we could never imagine…

Or perhaps we just turn to dirt and they mix you with horse manure… shit happens…