The Nonsensical Journal

With a birthday lingering around the corner like a persistent prostitute, I find myself riddled with the familiar annual pre-birthday apathy … Your birthday is nothing more than the day your mothers’ water broke and spent hours of agony to deliver you into what society calls ‘Life’… and for that we are supposed to be thankful…

‘Nuff Said

I’m turning 36 which is quite an insignificant number but it is 4 years away from 40, and I feel the need to properly organize my soon to come midlife crisis… During this thought process I realized that my entire adolescence up till this very moment has been nothing but a long running midlife crisis. I’m a walking talking meltdown.

Of 36 years on this cursed planet I have learned nothing, accomplished very little, and amounted next to naught in value as a human being in general. I’ve abused substances, and spent my health unwisely, justifying it that what matters health when you’re in a grave… I’ve generally went out of my way to make the road to my vices a road of delusional irrational virtue.

I’ve learned very little but whatever learned must be valuable for some reason, even though if you really think about it whatever we learn in a finite life within an infinite existence is really useless and irrelevant.

I’ve learned that just because its family it doesn’t mean that it will be a safe and loving environment. I’ve seen how parents and siblings turn on each other, how relatives maliciously come at each other, but somehow manage to pretend that it’s all well come some sort of arbitrary celebration where we are forced to love each other while sharing a meal involving some animal we all united to slay and feast upon.

They keep saying blood is thicker than water but never mention that that doesn’t mean it’s of any more value or importance than water… and being that we are over 70% water in addition to my experiences, I would wager that the whole statement is just bullshit that justifies our malevolent human nature.

I’ve learned that the best way to remain single is to know exactly what you want out of a relationship, value commitment and have an overall idealistic view about it. Most people don’t know what they want, they only claim they do in order to justify their string of bad relationships and decisions, and to comfortably slip the fact that they purposefully let you slip by while holding onto some strings… in case nothing comes their way… Everyone needs a plan B, everyone but you…

If you don’t have it in you to be an asshole – typical macho, typical bitch- then know that you have successfully become a perpetual singular. If you cannot conform to the stenciled stereotype constructs of your society, all while hypocritically claiming nonconformity, if you cannot be fake, if you refuse to compromise your morality, virtue and mind… then know that you will be left standing alone to watch as you slowly fade away.

I’ve seen how selfish and self-centered people are. It put me on my first step to the world of misanthropy from a stolen childhood and rogue youth… They will tell you exactly what you want to hear, so you can feel just the right way to allow their manipulation for whatever brief moment and selfish desires before they move on… I’ve learned to be guarded and trust that no one will have my back with dedication and loyalty other than me… and perhaps a canine companion.

I’ve learned that time and space is subjective to perspective. That the speed at which life transpires is nothing more than a state of mind, and age is something we use to alleviate the fact that we have been slowly, or rapidly, expiring since conception…

I’ve learned that at 36 I’m exhausted, tired, and ready to retire. I continue to wake up at the crack of dawn to put a suit on and spend whatever is left of my mind and health to help better opportunists and governments forcing me into a vicious cycle of consumerism and mental slavery…

Were you expecting a cheerful read I wonder? A typical talk in random nonsense that is common to this frivolous, irrelevant and idiotic blog of mine? … You must’ve not been paying attention; it’s my cursed-day…