The Nonsensical Journal

It’s all about perspective I suppose… or the lack of. Perspective is a tricky concept if you consider it. My perspective will always be uniquely mine, shaped and molded by a series of external and internal factors and forces that in turn mold and shape my opinions and beliefs… opinions and beliefs that, regardless of how grandiose or idiotic they may be, will always be confined within the borders of my… perspective.

All that I have seen and will see will continue to fuel my perspective which again fuels how I feel about what I see, and what I see and what you see will not yield the same perspective even when we are observing the same thing. An art piece that might invoke feelings of melancholy for me could very well be the same art piece that sparks euphoria within you.

Perspective is elusive and I can argue it’s impossible to assume the perspective of anyone else but your own, and it could be the reason we are failing as a species. Our innate inability to assume another person’s perspective… and how could we? Siblings raised in the exact same conditions won’t have the same perspective about their parents let alone life…

Even if I were to write in extreme detail right now about all my beliefs it would not matter much to anyone who cannot assume my perspective. It would be nothing more than a fervent extremist rambling or incoherent idiocy… depends on the perspective of the reader.

In an infinite universe with infinite possibilities there does exist the possibility that a galaxy somewhere out there functions in a way that defies everything we know about the laws of all the sciences combined. I would never in a million years be able to understand the perspective of an entity that exists within that realm… I can’t even imagine it, and if I can’t imagine it how can I even begin to fathom it let alone understand its perspective.

So back to reality, to me, to us, the known… the somewhat known and for the most part mysterious.

But it’s a gut-punch, really, to be seated next to someone who can never see life from your perspective and vice versa… take solace in knowing however that in life you will come across the rare shooting stars that share your perspective and just like shooting stars they’re gone too soon… and here you are left with your own perspective again.

I suppose you might want to know what I have been rambling on about…

What if I told you everything I knew slowly grew from truth to lie? Is that too cliché? What if I said I am tired of life, would that be too dark.. and cliché? What if I said nothing at all and just let the voices in my head do the talking, would that be too unsettling?

You’re not good enough. You’re not loved. You’re alone. You will die alone. You are nothing more than a disfigured amalgam of ideologies that you carefully cultivated as your own to pretend to be your own person. You’re a fraud… A fake.

A weight sits on my chest day after day relentless in its inertia. A weight tunnels to a gap… Is it a gap? Sorry, I meant a void.  The difference between a gap and a void is, you guessed it, perspective. My perspective right now is low self-worth and your perspective, I would assume, is also that of low self-worth… but its not the same. You see a person with low self-worth, I see actual low self-worth. You’re a tourist, I… a resident.

This planet in all its white tones mixed with heavenly swirling ripples of blue, suspended in eternal serenity among a cornucopia of stars, galaxies, and the unimaginable beyond is nothing more than a bird’s eye view of an exquisite lie. Zoom in to disease, famine, war, natural, and unnatural disasters that are an unfortunate inevitable norm. Peel another layer and you can feel the palpable hate, spite, vindictive malice that inhabits the souls of these exquisitely beautiful planets inhabitants.

Its okay though, its all about perspective… we can watch a few ‘faith in humanity restored’ videos, that are totally not staged, to reassure us that we’re different… we feel different… we empathize… we’re not like them and they are most certainly not like us.

That’s a truth that became a lie, just one of many. Maybe you expected me to talk about parents or some shit, and there were quite a fuckload of perspectives there, but I buried them both a few years back and since then all those differing perspectives ‘voltroned’ into one… “Well, I suppose all that was… unnecessary”. It didn’t resolve any issues or trauma, but it helped pack them up in nice tidy emotional boxes that will remain forever sealed.

So perhaps there are no truths or at least there is no universal truth and all we are left with is the truth of our own perspective… but here’s a perspective we can all agree on, everything you just read was rubbish.