The Nonsensical Journal

It is not a bad idea to say a little prayer before getting behind the steering wheel. If you are an atheist perhaps you can consider making a wish. All it takes is a lapse of reason and before you know it, your forehead is engaged in a passionate affair with the steering wheel, or it goes all the way and violates the virginity of the windshield.

I was not speeding, I promise you this. I was smoking and a momentary lapse of reason had occurred.

I was driving to a friend’s house to spend an evening of “entertainment”…  While many of you are well aware why I enclosed that word between quotations, let me explain to those who might be wondering… other than restaurants and malls, there is nothing else to do but hang out at friends, or friends hanging out at yours (For a change of scenery and venue, naturally, we are after all creatures who value change. I know… Exciting!)

Taking a generous inhale off my cancer stick, I attempted a flick into the ashtray. The Gods of fate were bored, and had decided, in an impromptu display of entertainment, to mess with my coordination skills. The cigarette promptly scraped my jeans and following suit, the cherry went to rummage around for my crotch.

We are creatures of habit, excitement, and a need for change… we also panic. Naturally I panicked, and predictably I began to frantically search for the cherry that was now holding the family jewels for ransom.

In an instant I hear a loud thud mixed with a bang, in a flash my face made contact with a powdery cushion, and in a daze I came to a complete stop. Dust and smoke filled the vehicle, and in bewilderment I thought “shit! My family jewels are on fire!” but common sense prevailed upon realization that there was no burning sensation… coincidently that was how I also found out I don’t have herpes.

I looked up and all I could see through the dust of the airbag was what seemed like the hood of my car… slightly compacted… by slightly I mean my headlights were looking at me. The radiator seemed quite happy with its new home, the passenger seat. All that went through my head at that moment was the curious thought of why they would fill the airbags with so much powdery dust?

I stepped out after battling the car door for a while, and in a display of machismo the door forced me to crawl out of the window. Point is, I got out. Looking around surveying the damage the driver of the car in front of me stepped out.  A man of Asian persuasion (and while Asian is usually linked with Chinese, let me remind you that there is also India in Asia) came up to me ranting about how “Baba” will come now.

If I was a new comer to this country I would think that a grown man, easily over 40 is currently informing me that his father will talk to me. This might be confusing, and very odd to know that a man this old still relies on his father to fight his battles… I am not new to this country and anyone who has been here for more than a week knows that “Baba” means “My employer”.

The man was panicking and in slight fear. Why shouldn’t he? In this country with his nationality, he could’ve been just standing on the curb two blocks away and still get blamed for this accident.

I calmed the man down and tried to relay to him assurance that I will not be degrading him, yelling at him, or falsely accusing him of being a generally bad driver (although in all fairness, the majority are… just because you signaled doesn’t mean it’s ok to jump into the next lane instantly, just a friendly FYI)

Naturally calling the police is the next step. While I started to dial, I hung up as I saw a police car approach us. In a country with so much police in so many locations, and frequent road blocks, this was expected. During a time like this, it is also very much welcomed.

I hung up the phone and looked at the police vehicle as it approached us, drove past us, and drove away… fantastic.

Picking up the phone I started to dial again. After a brief discussion on what happened, and our location, I was informed that I was to dial information services, get a number for a tow truck, and have them dispatch it to me… apparently towing cars from crash sites is no longer part of police duties.

What options do I have? I started my procedure while waiting for a police car to be dispatched. The first patrol arrived; someone stepped out, surveyed a very self explanatory scene and without delay inquired with Sherlock Holmes like wit “Accident?”

No… I always drive around with my car stuck into this man’s bumper, don’t you?

Two beautiful girls passed by and slowed down to see what’s going on, he noticed them, and we all did. He called for another car to relieve him and rapidly left… obviously he had another emergency to tend to…

With tow truck and police on scene, I finally made it to the police department. It was 6pm, there was only me in the station and four other people, I figure this shouldn’t take long, after all I’m just renting and all I need is a paper just to return it to the rental office… I left shortly after midnight.

What happened in those six hours? Well that’s for another day, and another blog… I’ll see you folks around… Meanwhile don’t forget to step outside and enjoy a breath of silicon enriched air.