The Nonsensical Journal

I haven’t been writing a lot in 2011. I haven’t been writing a lot because I was “inspirationally” blocked. I place the inspiration between quotations because I feel it is very ostentatious to declare yourself inspirational or creative (if you read any of my previous posts, and you probably didn’t you dicks, you would have known that)

A relationship sucks the life out of all your hobbies. It changes your brain chemistry to focus on the demands of your partner, and should you be the man then expect a lot of demands… don’t worry this is not a post bashing the “weaker” sex, that I will save for another post.

Relationships fundamentally change you, because change is required. Sure things might fit, there is much compatibility, there are even  parts that can fit together… sometimes they’re too big, sometimes they’re too small, but you make the necessary adjustments and perhaps visit a few specialty stores; at the end of it all, change is inevitable.

So, either reluctantly or passionately, you accept the terms of change, and you sign along the dotted lines… you forget to read the fine print, and you always forget to read the fine print because the cleavage distracts you. The fine print is what really matters; it is the fine print that defines the course, direction and duration of the relationship… it can even define if you get to keep your testicles on your person, or in her purse.

The fine print can range anywhere from “Partner may or may not be willing to change” to “Partner will maintain same sexual promiscuity in different zip codes” or “Partner will occasionally bring in midgets and barn yard animals into the bedroom- latex optional-“

But we are guys, men, hunters, macho, and all that nonsense that was hard wired into us at birth when you emerged with a penis… So you enter the relationship with all confidence, because

 A. You rationalized it with your other brain (or rather it rationalized it for you), and

 B. You’re a man, emotions are a myth… Grow a pair bitch.

You don’t realize, and no matter how many times this happens you do not learn, that somewhere between your crotch and wherever the hell it is emotions come from, is a silent hair trigger connection that suddenly fires off and you find yourself saying “I… think… I like her”… For the first time you thought, unfortunately however, you’re more or less screwed because you didn’t read the fine print.

Maybe you get the Disney finish, maybe you end up divorced with kids, maybe someone gets stabbed in their sleep… You never know, and you never will until it’s over, and that’s when hindsight kicks in.

Hindsight is by far the most useless human facility; it really needs to be disqualified as an option of any sorts… The only reply to “Hindsight 20/20” is “No shit” (any other non-generic sarcastic retort is acceptable)

I wish I could write more on the matter, and perhaps I will… It’s a complex subject that covers too much ground and ultimately it’s run by two extremely unstable factors, humans and emotions… It’s like building a sand castle with 24/7 maintenance and upkeep while balancing yourself on quick sand, all while hoping your partner doesn’t get fed up and kick it all down…